Take Two

So it happened again I shit you not.

Okay let me clarify what I mean. I don't mean another girl blew up on me at a drug bust. I mean another person blew up from the inside with no discernible cause, thankfully I wasn't in front of them this time. We got a call from the house maid of some old rich bastard who was freaking out because she claimed the old guy shot himself in the head. Well specifically she said she opened up his bedroom door and immediately got "a smell like a dying animal but stronger". She then said that she "stepped in and saw his body propped up, back facing her and a big red blood splatter all over the opposing wall." It wasn't until we finally got there we learn the much stranger truth, this old man's chest ruptured just like that poor girl from a few days ago. We took him down to the morgue to be examined because at the point when two people completely unrelated, hell practically opposites, both decide to just go boom we start to suspect something else is going on.

Now that we have people examining the bodies we might be able to get some kind of clear answer about what happened. I refuse to believe there isn't a perfectly logically answer for this. People don't just blow up like that, that isn't something that happens in the real world. I'll be updating this blog to gather my thoughts on the matter, also to appease my therapist who thinks I should keep writing out my feelings now that it's happened again. She doesn't want me to start reliving it all or something. She's a sweet girl, but she worries to much about me.

My Troubles

My name is Kevin, I work as a police officer in Pennsylvania, I've been a cop all my life. I'm writing this because I'm confused, utterly baffled and because I need to write it out. Ever felt like that? Fuck, of course you have. We all have, but I'm not writing this for your benefit, hell I shouldn't be writing this at all but I doubt anybody will find out or care.

Like I said earlier, I'm a cop, and being a cop we see some bad stuff happen. Some real gruesome stuff, thankfully I don't live in a highly populated area so I've managed to keep a head on myself and not lose it on the job. I've never shot anybody, I've never hurt anybody who didn't try and hurt me first. I'd like to think I'm a good person. What I'm getting at is...I saw something on a recent case and  it, it unnerved me, it really screwed with my head. It was a drug bust, pretty standard stuff right? Well it honestly was up until I found this one girl in the back of the house. She had locked herself in the bathroom and was crying her eyes out. I mean, stuff like that happens, she was in a bad place, we have to round everyone up. So I started trying to get the door open. I rammed into it with my body to bust the lock, after a couple good thwacks it came down (cheap ghetto housing). She was curled up in the bathtub, crying her eyes out. I approached her and noticed something off with her, the first of many "off" things. She was bleeding from the ears, I shrugged this off, after all her eyes seems very dilated too, so I assumed she was on something, she easily could of hurt herself while not thinking straight, maybe hurt her ears listening to music turned up to high? I really don't know. I kept walking toward the girl, at this point I asked her to "please stand up and put her hands against the wall." She looked up and me when I spoke, the kind of terror in her eyes I saw...She looked at me like she didn't understand what was happening. She kept looking around the doorway, frantically scanning everywhere. I asked her again, this time a little more assertively to "stand up and place your hands against the wall" She looked at me again, almost...pleadingly? I don't know honestly, I wish I did. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped before anything came out, she looked up confused and pleadingly again. This was the point I started to feel concerned for her well-being beyond whatever she was currently doped up on. I approached closer to her and snapped my fingers to get her attention, she didn't seem to respond to me at all, in fact she seemed to be looking through me.

I snapped my fingers again and tried to rouse her attention again with something like "ma'am please...I'm a police officer, are you feeling alright?" Still no reaction out of her aside from the confused expressions and attempts to speak. I touched her shoulder, she felt cold, at this point I yelled for a paramedics that we had somebody overdosing in the bathroom. I got a reply somebody was coming, and when I turned back to her...jesus it's hard to think about...her eyes widen and she well, she exploded.

I know how that sounds, but I know what I saw. Her chest burst open from the inside, it ruptured. The next thing I knew I was covered in blood and I had a dead girl in the bathroom of this house. I walked back to where the other officers were at, fairly fucking shocked I might add. I got a shock blanket or some shit and explained what happened, well I think I did, honestly it's not really very clear in my head what happened after she blew up. The most vivid memory I've had since then was visiting the mandatory therapist, she was the one who advised me to write this all out actually. She said if I worked it all out on paper it might be good for me, but then again she didn't see the look in that girl's eyes. The more I think about it the more it really does it hit me. What if it's my fault? What if she was trying to tell me something was wrong? What if I had just responded quicker? The more I think about it the less I want to know. I don't want to know if it was my fault.